Monday, October 10, 2016

The Mighty Worrier

It's been a little while since I posted because, hell, nobody reads my blog. But I decided to return to the page today as an exercise in Mental Health for #WorldMentalHealthDay I couldn't think of a better way to celebrate after the Menacing madness of Donald Dump at the Prez Debate in St. Louis last night. I will admit that Hillary often looks a bit mad herself. Her maniacal smile reminds me of my mom when she was at her manic-est. So though I find Hillary the only human choice to be the next president (and she's definitely qualified for the job) it's scary, but I love her. Just like my mom.

I've been finding myself quite a bit worried lately. Actually I've been worried for the last 54 years. I'm 56. I realized that worrying has given me nothing but heartache and stomachache. Worrying is the constant buzz around this always unpredictable life especially growing up in a mentally unstable household, but now I'm grown up and I know better but the MIGHTY WORRIER does not. She is still in full tilt boogie, when I wake up in the morning and when I close my eyes at night. Last night I drew her.


She's obviously very unhappy. She's super heavy. She's a drag. She doesn't have any feet so she can't move. All she does is obsessively nag me about what MIGHT HAPPEN. She really doesn't know and rarely is she right about her predictions. In fact the worst things that have happened to me in life, she had no idea were coming. So now that we've officially met, me and the MIGHTY WORRIER, I had to ask her...WHAT DO YOU WANT?

I asked her this a couple of days ago when I was taking my daily walk in the woods. Trying to be present with the magnificent. The trees, the shrubbery ,the dirt, the sky, the silence. But she wouldn't stop harassing me and I could not hear her answer about what she wanted. It wasn't until I was on the way back to my house that I heard a tiny, distant voice calling.

I said, "Mighty Worrier is that you?"
She answered in a very low whisper with a heavy tone "Yes"
I asked "What do you want from me? Why are you here? What can I do for you?"
Her answer came quickly and simply "Be present"

Hmmmm. Of course that is easier said than done. But, yes of course. She is here to remind me to become present. But how?

Well, I have the option of Coming to My Senses. I'm sure you've heard that admonition before. "Child, come to your senses!" But what does that really mean. Well, it means what it says.
COME TO YOUR SENSES - SENSES ARE:

SEEING
TASTING
SMELLING
HEARING
FEELING

Sitting at my desk writing this

I see trees, computer, photos, paintings, window, flowers, walls, phone, plate with olives
I taste olives, garlic, rosemary
I smell dog, cannabis, tobacco, olives, mold, shampoo,
I hear tapping of the keys, hum of the computer, music in the distance, my breathing, dog snoring
I feel my ass in the chair , my feet crossed,  the cold air, my fat belly, my tense shoulders

I have come to my senses and that gives me access to my 6th sense. My sense of humor! HA!

I ask myself "HOW'S YOUR NOW?" And right at this very moment. Everything right here is all right. That's the truth.

Don Miguel Ruiz says "There are only 3 truths: Life, Death and NOW"

AND I REMIND MYSELF I AM AN INFINITE ETERNAL BEING LIVING IN THE NOW

And I eat a piece of chocolate. That's all.